A Baby Gate, a Dog, and a Broken Arm

Trust me. Just float...

It was a typical Friday night. That's how all good stories start right? We had dinner at the in-laws and I watched, 2 feet away as my one year old decided to pull up on the tension rod gate at the top of the stairs. What felt like 2 minutes really was only a couple of seconds as I wrestled with the thought of, "That gate isn't going to hold," and "I should probably just pick him up," as I am holding his juice cup to come to me. Then it happened... The gate gave way and there went my precious babe tumbling down the stairs. In that moment amidst the sheer panic of what was happening came in the negative self talk. "What were you thinking?!" "You literally could have prevented this." "Your'e the worst mom," etc. The next couple of hours are a blur but after a full body x-ray and a CT scan, we were told that the tumble was nothing more than a bump on the head and our precious child was going to be perfectly fine. "Whew!" I guess we dodged a bullet this time..

Now let's skip to the very next Friday, at roughly the same time in the afternoon. My husband, Conner, was getting ready for a PT test. You know that wonderful physical fitness test you have to take every six months-year to make sure you are still 'fit' enough to serve your country. Insert eye roll here from every military spouse :) He goes out for a simple jog around the neighborhood as he does every other day. The same dog runs out as it always does, barking like a mad animal because for some reason, Conner is just not his favorite person. This particular day, Conner decided to not face the vicious 8lb. animal and starts to make his turn back in the direction of our abode. In the midst of this, he steps off the curb and lands straight in the ditch. This lands us to the same urgent care with the result of a ligament sprain and a set of crutches to be delivered the next day. Okay, surely nothing else can go wrong, right?

Well whenever that's the question, don't ask it. Four days after the dog incident, Conner is away in Texas for training. It is just three precious children and me heading to the park after school on an unusually warm day in February. We decided to take the scooters so the kids could get out some energy and I could sit with the baby, enjoying time with a sweet friend. Sounds perfect right? Then I hear the scream that brings me back to reality... I turn around to my four year old under her scooter, screaming, with a nice group of kids surrounding her. I looked at my friend and asked her to watch the baby as I run to aid my girl. ANOTHER trip to the urgent care shows a broken arm and a cast for three weeks. Im not asking but I am asking, "God, really...what else?"

This may seem like bad luck to many. Maybe it is a rough patch. Maybe I have sinned and God is punishing me. Maybe it is just the wrong place at the wrong time.

"God, why?"

Have you ever asked that question? Surely I'm not alone here. After a series of unfortunate events, I often find myself just bracing for the next thing. I will tread water with nothing but my nose above the surface, exhausting myself to stay on top and keep moving. Then I hear it.

Float.

"I'm sorry, what?"

Float.

"Mmm, K. but..."

"Float. Quit trying to do all the things and float. I've got you. I've got this."

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." You see, I'm a fixer. I like things to run a certain way, no hinderances, no hiccups, no problems. When there is an issue---I fix it. Here's the problem. I can't fix everything. I also am learning I cannot PREVENT everything. Ya'll, God can prevent, and fix, but sometimes He doesn't.

Does that change His status of being good? Certainly not. Through this, it has become clear to me that leaning into Him has been my sanctuary vs. how I normally find myself pulling away. This has been a hard season for sure, but I have grown tremendously in my walk with my Father because of the hard.

If you don't get anything else from my struggles and treading water; get this...

Float.

He's got this. He's got you.

Caitlin